Posted to Op-Ed on September 16 2008

Op-Ed: In Response to R. Shea Hecht's Editorial

by Miryam Elisheva Segal
I read Rabbi Hecht’s opinion piece this morning and I want to state that I wholeheartedly concur with everything he said. As a resident of Crown Heights, I look forward to the crush of guests and the warmth of Tishrei. There is an excitement in the air that can not be replicated at other times of the year. Each year the number of guests in Crown Heights continues to multiply and multiply.

I have seen highly organized programs, with dedicated madrichim, and serious learning. I have had wonderful guests who continued to stay in touch even several years later.

On the flip side, I have seen countless children arrive at 770 with a “program” that is poorly organized and the height of “tzuflegenkeit”. I have received phone calls every day of Tishrei, “Maybe you could take two or three girls? For tonight? They will even sleep on the floor.” Bochurim walking drunk in the streets at all hours of the night. I have seen Bochurim eating moldy pita because they did not have enough money to buy fresh food. The seminary girls we took from overseas who proceeded to get drunk on Sukkos, vomited all over our bathroom, and refused to clean it up. The groups of mixed teenagers going to Manhattan late at night.

Maybe the worst moment was when my doorbell rang at 2:30 in the morning during Tishrei, with two Israeli Bochurim looking for a place to sleep. They were simply ringing the doorbell of every home with a mezuzah until they found someone to take them in. Do you want that to be your child?

I believe that perhaps Rabbi Hecht did not go far enough in stating what both parents should expect in a program and what Crown Heights residents should expect from the programs. If I was sending my own child half way around the world (or anywhere overnight) PRIOR to their arrival I would insist on knowing all the details of their time in Crown Heights. These program details should include but are not limited to:

a) Who is organizing/sponsoring the program – is it your child’s Yeshiva? Shul? Hachnosis Orchim?

b) Who will be supervising your child during the program (yes, even a madrich/a has a yetzer hora)? Will the Rabbonim who are organizing your child’s program see him or her at least once a day? Is there a program Mashpia?

c) What accommodations are provided for your child and what do you need to arrange BEFORE YOUR CHILD ARRIVES IN CROWN HEIGHTS? i.e. where will your child be sleeping and eating - are they sleeping on the floor of the gym or lunchroom in a school? Are they staying in private homes? Do you need to make sleeping arrangements for them? Will they be fed three times a day or do you need to make arrangements for some meals? What about on Yom Tov? Chol?

d) What is the schedule of the program? What will be accomplished in learning? Hiskashrus? Chassidus? Davening?

e) How is ”free time“ or ”activities" supervised? Are you going to just let your child go to Manhattan unattended? Is there a choice of activities? Mivtzoim to several different locations?

f) What arrangements are there for contacting your child or contacting yourself (especially in case of an emergency)? Will your child be allowed to have a cell phone? Is it a “kosher” phone? How much will it cost and is it included in the price of the program?

g) Who is making sure that children are not: smoking, drinking, or doing drugs? If a participant is found doing one of these things, how will the program handle it?

h) If you are sending your child to stay with relatives or friends, what is your expectation of your hosts? Are they to treat your child as if they are their own? As a guest? Will you have a curfew? How can your child assist you with yom tov preparations (i.e. help put up the sukkah, watch the small children, do the shopping, help cook, etc.)? This needs to be discussed BEFORE your child arrives.

i) Does your child have clothing appropriate for the weather in New York? Sukkos is halfway into October this year – your child will need minimally a coat, hat, and scarf. The need warm clothing, comfortable shoes (tahalucha is long walk!), and be prepared for rain and/or snow. There is a Payless on Utica Avenue and Empire Boulevard if you need cheap shoes or boots. I can’t tell you how many visitors I see insufficiently dressed for the cold, wet weather.

j) Have you sent your child or the program with sufficient pocket money? Do you have a way to get your child more money mid-Tishrei if an emergency arises?

k) If your child gets sick, how will the program handle it? Have they made arrangements for participants to be seen by a local medical office if the need arises? Does your child have travel insurance if chas v’shalom something serious happens?

l) If you are going to allow your child to go on shidduchim while they are in New York, is there someone who they can speak to about such matters (other than the shadchan)? Is there a program Mashpia who will be accessible to your child?

m) If your child does not speak English, does your child at least know a few words so they can get by and have derech eretz? Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, and I’m Sorry, go a long way with both Jews and Non-Jews.

While this is looks like a long list, really, if your child was traveling anywhere else in the world you would be just as careful if not more so.

If you would do this for a small child, so much more so for a teenager. Please, before you send your child to Crown Heights, from Israel, Chicago, California, England, etc., KNOW what your child's itinerary is and what they will be doing here. Be honest with yourself - if your child is struggling, ONLY send them to Crown Heights with a highly structured program. There is a whole world of temptation out there. And even if your child is doing fabulously, ONLY send them to Crown Heights with a highly structured program.

I look forward to squeezing myself into Shul with all of the guests from “out of town” and to all of klal yisroel receiving Hashem’s brochas this Tishrei with joy. May Hashem inscribe and seal all of us for happy, healthy, good, sweet, and SAFE New Year this Tishrei!

Miryam Elisheva Segal,
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